I am the same but different

This isn't my pumpkin Neiko, but my sweet Noah - same but different

I am adulting in a way that is foreign. I have always said, "when Neiko goes to Kindergarten, (with God's grace and Mike's support) I am going to be stable and create for him a life of comfort and security. 

So here we are. Stable and Adulting. 

I am no longer a 20 something that flows according to the wind, my man, and my heart. I am a mid-30 year old mama and I am still free in my soul, but also anchored in my motherhoodness. I love it more than I love most things, but I am also trying to make sure that my wholeness helps produce wholeness in my sons. I want them to have SHELBY as their mother - not a mother named Shelby. Not sure if that makes sense, but as of now I am writing to myself and it makes sense to me.  

This year is suchhhhh a learning curve for me. Last year and every year prior (for the past four years), life was so unstable and moving between Cincy, NJ, NYC,Philly, DC, Brooklyn, and now Decatur with a new baby AND A KINDERGARTENER - was a lot (and how I love life because it's very whimsical and for me, that's liberating - just flowing with life and moving in random ways). But this season of life is a beautiful one- but it's a year of growth, sustainability, strengthening, pushing and some things are the same and different. Everything seems important/vital/and stable and I'm trying to live with intent. I feel like this year I am having to adult in a way that's foreign. But I also feel more connected to my whole self than I ever have. It's bizarre. But in order to seal the deal on my authenticity and create patterns that bring me joy and creative expression - here I am once more - this blog. Created when I first moved in Bk. A young wife. An education reformer. I am still her - I still do that work, I still love that man, I still walk everywhere, spend lots of time in cafes, libraries, outdoor spaces, bookstores, YMCAs, and in my head. I am the still the same and yet oh so different.