Reflection: Close it and Think.

“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”

                                                                       - Dr. Laurence J. Peter

 My cousin, Ashley, always speaks about how much she hates when someone says something out of anger and then tries to retract it saying "sorry, I was angry."

Me, personally, I am someone that often falls into the hole of anger. I literally speak my mind at all times - you know when I am happy, sad, mad, and everything in between; however God has blessed me with a husband that is slow to anger and speaking when he is angry and as far as girlfriends are concerned, I haven't been in friend drama in a lonnnnnnnggg time.

All this to say, I haven't really felt the words of an angry person - truly angry person - in a really long time.

(Don't get me wrong - I've been offended, I've been upset by conversations or someone's opinion - I've gotten critical judgements, but...)

Today I felt words from anger and you know what? It sucks. I get it. I understand now why my mother and father continually tell  me to hold my tongue. It doesn't feel good to hear hurtful things from someone - especially when you had no intention to cause anger.

BUT can I be totally honest? I'm sooooo happy that this happened. I feel so blessed that I got to feel this emotion - to feel the intense confusion and frustration.

It's funny, because I'm not mad at the conversation at all, because I needed to feel these feelings. I needed to go through this, because I fear that I've been the person delivering the punches too often. I've been on the other end of this situation too many times - upset and not holding my tongue - telling myself that it's me "getting everything off my chest." Letting myself believe that "it's just how I am"- even though I am totally aware of Christ's perspective on angry talk (James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry).

Never again. I want to remember this feeling forever - I want to remember how bad it sucks to hear things that you aren't supposed to hear - to know what others really think...to hear what people hide in smiles.

I want to remember, so that the next time I open my mouth to say something out of anger - to tell someone what I (or others) really think (at the time) - I will close it and think.