I'd Do It All Again...

I have a sincere fear of loss. I have had it since being a young girl. To be honest, I used to pray that I would die before all of my relatives because the thought of losing one of them was so much harder than the fear of dying. This Sunday, I was listening to the preacher talk about praising the Lord daily, regardless of circumstances. She started talking about how we have to let go of fear and praise him. And that hit me so hard...that idea of letting everything negative...fear, worry, anxiety, anger...and simply praising Him. But then in the midst of my epiphany, I thought but if I lost someone I couldn't "praise" - there wouldn't be anything but sadness in my heart. I then felt ashamed of my thoughts and just closed my eyes...and all of a sudden like a movie:

I felt like the lights shut off....a spotlight on me...I was in a whitish pink shoulder-less boho ruffled maxi dress...no shoes...no bangles...my hair was slicked back in a ponytail...and I was just staring in destitute blackness and this song started playing...there were faces of so many of the people I know, love, and have shared crazy moments with....

And then all of a sudden I felt this intense joy and happiness...I had goosebumps all over and this body aching chill...and I realized regardless of what happens...regardless of whether death hits me first or a loved one....I could praise God because at the end of the day,

I'D DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN...

Thank you, Corinne B. for putting it all out there in this beautiful song after the unfortunate death of your husband.