Evolve.

"I remember when you were this big..."

"I have known this girl, since she was..."

"Listen, I know her in and out... she would never say..."

"No one knows you like I do..."
My favorite piece of artwork. Mike knows when we are in Philly, we must go see this piece.  For me it screams BREAKING the MOLD, Freedom, Individuality... I love it.
Although moving to New York was the third best decision in my adult life, I must say the words above are words that I've longed to hear in the last five years. Majority of my closest friends in New York and DC are people that have only known me as the Shelby that arrived with two duffle bags from Oxford Ohio. A young woman wanting to change the world through teaching. Or they know me as Mike's wife. Either way, there are very few people in DC or New York that can talk to me about "who I was, thus who I am."

Cincinnati is the place of my origin, thus the place where people know who I was. Much of my homesick feelings derive from the familiarity of my past. Which is shocking, because while in Cincinnati all I could do was talk about moving to New York. Everything in me wanted to live in the city, where chaotic solitude was the way of life.

I remember as a very young girl seeing a picture of a young woman that fell in the middle of the New York street and every one literally walked by her - no one stopped - no one looked - no one helped. Although most of the people around me were appalled, that picture strengthened my love for New York. Because what my classmates didn't see is that this woman fell and no laughed. No one tried to warn her about wearing ridiculous heels. NO one told her that she looked like an idiot. That girl was able to fall and pick her self up without public ridicule and that's what I wanted. I wanted to try things that would lead me closer to the discovery of myself. (Third person alert) I always wanted to know who Shelby really was when no one was telling her who to be.

Now, throughout my adult years I have found that there is nothing more comforting than being around people that will help you up when you fall. There is also something special about those that can tell you about who you were. BUT as I get older, I realize that knowing who I was does not equate to knowing who I am. In fact there is no feeling more stifling than one where someone holds you to your past. Now, there are things about my personality that are fundamentally "ME" - it's a part of my DNA. I was a happy rebellious baby that loved to eat and I am that as an adult. But as we get older and begin creating and discovering our individuality - tasting foreign flavors, uncovering deep passions, experimenting with colors, experiencing love and heartbreak, penetrating our souls, establishing our faith and beliefs, and designing our castles - we become who we are now.

At the end of the day, I adore hearing stories of the past. I enjoy telling stories of the past even more than hearing them. And a person's past actions persuade my thoughts and opinions about who they are presently. But there is something beautiful and freeing about letting someone grow into who the person that they are. Letting that friend that just two years ago had the straight hair, conservative style, and limited world-view (fear of airplanes) - be the woman with the natural hair, boho style, and a world philosopher (who has literally traveled every month). It's okay to laugh about the past and her "people that go on airplanes and eat foreign foods are setting themselves up for disease and death" philosophy, but rolling your eyes every time she tells you about her dreams of camping under the sun in India and mumbling under your breath, "that's not the so-in-so that I know," or "this is a weird phase you are in," is obnoxious.

My point in this is to remember and celebrate who a person was, but also allow every one the right to grow into who that they are and want to be. Yes, mistakes will happen. Yes, heartbreak and pain will be on the menu. But we must give one another the freedom to self-indulge a little bit, to allow yourself and others the opportunity to take risks, and to truly find and become an individual. By holding someone to their past, you are suppressing their present and future.



* Take it or leave it. Don't forget this is coming from someone that is a complete random, which is clear in my profession choices - journalism, teacher, event planner, culinary school... really? In four years, I may be an astronaut (I really wouldn't put it past myself). If I live a long life, I honestly think that I will still be discovering myself. By the age of 70, I will most likely be on my 50th job profession, 75th personal project, 90th hairstyle, and first marriage (Mike is my second best decision in my adult life and he is a decision that I'm sticking with).

I've been waiting for an opportunity to show these pictures - so here they are. Look at the details.






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