Get Over It!

You drag it around like a ball and chain

You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain

You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown

Got your mind in the gutter, bringin’ everybody down

Complain about the present and blame it on the past

I’d like to find your inner child and kick it’s little a--

Get over it

Get over it

All this whinin’ and cryin’ and pitchin’ a fit
Get over it, get over it

                   -Eagles (GET OVER IT)

JUST GET OVER IT! 

Ummmm... I'm just gonna hop to the point. When I was going through my "lack of Mike" phase (he was in DC and I was in New York) I called my father really late one night. Well, actually I called my mother and my father picked up. Although I literally can talk to my father about anything, he comes from the "hard knocks" life and quite frankly when I want to whine and I want sympathy... heck, I want to act an out right fool... mama is the one to talk too. I mean even when she tells me to buck up, I can cry about how she doesn't understand (you know the beautiful mother-daughter dynamic that we all love to hate).

So, this night was a bad one! I was mad about the distance, Mike and I had an argument, I had a terrible few weeks at work, my confidence  was at a 0 on a 1-10 scale (10 being the highest), I was scared in my apartment at night due to too much Law and Order,  I was sleepy but couldn't sleep, it was dead winter (so it was dark at like 4:30 p.m.), I felt tired of whining to God and wanted IMMEDIATE satisfaction. Quite frankly, I needed someone to call and dump all these emotions on. I wanted my mom to take on all of my feelings for a night until I was strong enough to take them back. But papa Stone picked up.

I decided to dump on him, because he asked me how I was doing. And after 15 min. of me whining, complaining, yelling, debating... he simply said, "get over it." WHAT!?!? Get over it.

"Dad, yes, I have had a fairly cushy life and you didn't have as cushy of a life - BUT you haven't lived separate from your family in New York!"

But then he said something that I will remember forever, "listen, you cannot live with a victim mentality. You are sitting there scared, mad, sad, and guess what?!? The only person you are hurting is yourself. You are the one missing sleep. You are the one crying. What has happened - has happened. You cannot change the past and quite frankly you cannot change another person's actions. All you can do is pray and keep on living. So, yeah, Shelby get over it. I have not dealt with what you are dealing with, but I can tell you that I have had to deal with my past and current life and my suggestion is to get over it. Cry about it for a minute. Forgive. Pray. And keep on living." 


Now, when I got off the phone that night I was still mad. In fact, my dad was now on my long poop list, but then the next day his words began sinking in. And at the end of the day, he was right! I had to get over it. So, here is the dilemma: now that I know the good advice behind telling someone "GET OVER IT." I wonder when is it appropriate to tell someone to "get over it?" I mean, when is it appropriate to tell people to take off the tiara of pain, especially when you see that their past ills are now greatly affecting their relationships? Like this person can't keep friends, because there is constant complaining about their past ("did I tell you about the time that?" "And that's why I treat you like crap, because when I was five years old..."). When a great night with friends ends in a group therapy session EVERY TIME we are out.  This person can't trust the adoring significant other, because of the ex's past cheating and lying (and we all hear about the ex's actions daily).

At the end of the day, I love sitting around and pouring out our hearts. There is nothing like the feeling of intimacy created over some "whine" (pun intended), but what happens when you see someone's current situation being greatly affected over their past ills or their current victim mentality? I mean what happens when the best advice is a good stiff  "GET OVER IT?"