The Chase

Yesterday during church our pastor and his wife talked about marriage.

One part of their story was – how long he chased her and he just wasn’t her type. The crowd laughed.

But in the middle of our giggles – I turned to one of my girlfriends.  We had just talked about how by the time her husband came – she wasn’t looking for anyone. But he pursued her in a way that she had never been pursued.

Then I thought – man, that’s the story of so many of my girls at the church. The other day, we all went to brunch and started running our mouths about how we ended up with our hubbies – all of the stories included a chase. Whether they had started out friends and he fell, knew each other through acquaintances, or met on the internet  - there was a moment when all he wanted was her.

Interestingly enough, the story stands true for Mike and I – although I wouldn’t say it was intentional. He got my number (Ken and Lynne didn’t want me calling boys), so he always had to call me. He took me out, paid, and did all the things that my dad told me boys were supposed to do.

My parents were always big on the importance of a boy chasing a girl – one thing my father never wanted was a girl that chased boys. He thought it would make me look “easy” and he couldn’t have his “princess”, representing him, out here with the reputation as easy. He constantly told me stories of his chasing my mother and how that was one of the things that made her special – and one day a boy/man would see that in me.

 

All this to say, I never bought it. Women were independent, We were liberated. We knew what we wanted. So why did a man have to chase? A real boy/man would appreciate a woman that knew what she wanted.* Steve Harvey – sorry I was not a believer. Until yesterday….

Yes, I always thought it was important to never give too much (of anything – information, love, money, sexual conduct, time, etc.) in the beginning. You want to leave something for later…also in my opinion you don’t want to dilute a person’s feelings. I want you to just like ME. Like my personality – not what I can or cannot do or give you. As Patty (Million Dollar Matchmaker) says, “don’t lead with your wallet.” I truly believe, people will fall in love with what you can give them and will fall out of love when for some reason, any reason, you don’t give them what they fell in love with any more.

All this to say, yesterday I realized  - maybe there is something about the chase.  Maybe the chase does set the relationship up for something more…maybe men are as animalistic as the world says that they are… the chase may create some kind of deeper connection and attraction. I’m not sure, but even as I write this article, I think about last Saturday with one of my girlfriends – we were talking about wives that keep it tight – she went on to talk about how the couples (married/engaged/close to) were all chased by their men during their college experience.

Whelp, I know that I’ve already taken steps to continue to keep the chase going in my marriage – I’ve already made my stop at Vicky’s J (VS) for Valentine’s Day. Mike will definitely be chasing me on Thursday night – now for our plans…

 

*I watched an amazing special on Women Around the World with Chris Hayes – there was an incredible panel of women on the show, discussing women’s issues (state of feminism) in the US and around the world. Check it out if you can.