ADVICE: We all give it, but when is it too much?
E-mail from reader:"So much advice from friends but still confused! Here is the situation: Kevin's* actions are inconsistent with Tanya* he has expressed that he likes her, but doesn't call her frequently or express the desire to see her, even though he claims he wants to Tanya has summed it up to he's just not that into her but doesn't know if he should start ignoring him or tell her how she feels about his inconsistencies so she consults the girls. Tanya wonders if this should simply be a no-brainer? The advice she receives is mixed some people say ignore him ( they had two dates, not that serious), others say it does deserve your comments or "closure" and that ignoring him is immature, some say its not worth your time to explain or discuss either way, say you're no longer interested in Kevin and be done with it. What is a girl to do?"
The same week, I received the following an e-mail from a friend telling me that she has the perfect blog subject: "When does advice from friends become too much?"
Her issue (summary from her words): She is a typical single girl been dating off and on for a year- no one serious. After each date - or encounter with "the bench members" (she calls them) she updates her girls regularly and asks them for advice on her next move. Like most single women, she is ultimately looking for a long term relationship..but is questioning her dating skills because it just hasn't turned out right yet, so she relies on her friends to give her advice. The issue is each one of her girls is really going to interpret the interactions with the dudes differently and may give great, horrible or even empty feedback.
She went on to ask the following questions: At what point does the 'sharing of information or advice seeking' become too much? Is asking your friends regularly about your love life normal? Should your girls meet this new dude in a casual setting to feel him out (if they don't know him or haven't seen him already) to give you additional feedback? After you gain this advice, what is really the purpose/next steps? Does it help or hurt more? How much is TOO much? A coincidence...I think NOT! A popular situation...ABSOLUTELY!
To sum it up the question is, when does advice seeking become way too much?
And on the flip side, when does giving advice become too much? Like when you are in a great relationship, awesome job, and/or in a place of "expertise", when does giving other people advice (even when you think there are FUNDAMENTAL issues) too much?
