ENTITLEMENT ALERT: I didn't ask you...

The smack that was heard throughout the Stone residence happened years ago, yet it pops its ugly little head up occasionally.

Years ago, while arguing with my parents (teenage angst), my parents mentioned all the things they had done for me...

My response, "okay, well I didn't ask you to do that!"

I will never live that response down. I was ungrateful. I had the attitude - if I didn't ask and you gave me  or offered - it's on you. I didn't care about the love that was behind it. I didn't care about the fact that they did it for me, because they saw my needs or wants... all I saw was the gift.

Yesterday in the locker room, I overheard two women having a conversation about her "sugar daddy." He didn't know he was a sugar daddy and she didn't use those words, but throughout the conversation the woman continually talked about her taking and his giving. She was sending him through the ringer and she saw him struggling. She didn't care, because as she put it, "she didn't ask him for anything." He was the one that got off early (getting reprimanded) to pick her up from work when she was sick. Yes, she called him in pain - but she didn't ask him to come running. He was the one taking her to fancy restaurants, even when she saw his last check and knew he couldn't afford it. Yeah, she told him that's what she wanted for her birthday (and had never been there), but she didn't ask him...

On and on, the ladies laughed. I stood there changing, listening, and feeling terrible for the guy.  On the drive home, my mind flood with moments of ungratefulness on my part and ungratefulness towards me. I thought recently, about a time that I got upset and vented, "I didn't ask for this - but if you are going to do it - do it right." Really?

I then thought about a relationship, where I continue to offer (and give) and when I don't offer (or give)- anger ensues within the other person. Little passive aggressive comments...little comparisons...finding ways to make me feel bad for not doing what was never asked of me to do.

Then it donned on me. I know why this happens. To ask means admitting need, weakness, wanting some form of help or companionship. It's much easier to feel entitled to the services of others. It's painless to assume that the kind gestures are what's supposed to happen. I get a better sleep, when I'm able to lie to myself - "I didn't put this person out, they wanted to do this for me."

Well, I'm tired of being entitled and being around entitled people... again with all my rants, there aren't any direct next steps... other than making sure that I am being more grateful and asking for help when I need it and trying to strategically build relationships with those that do the same.