My Story (Part 3): My Realization...

 Read part 1&2 first...thanks...

By the time that I hit college, I realized that my fantasies of being Ms (Perfect) were a no-go... so along with my perfection dreams being shattered - I started writing my thoughts virtually.
can't find the website that I found this on...


My motives were genuine - I wanted people to talk to. I wanted to hear and be heard... I was no longer afraid of being criticized and being seen...and heard...for who I was and not for who I wanted people to see...

It's funny, because one of my friends (that have read my blog since the beginning) asked me  what happened to fashion? My blog used to be filled with fashion...now not so much..."I don't know..."

Sometimes I read my blog and/or my journal and I think... man, I am indecisive about life (too many jobs/too many locations), I am on emotional highs and lows, my interest and passions change with the wind, and I set a lot of goals/projects that I don't finish... but then peace rushes over me and I realize that I am me. I'm consistently a 100% me. This blog/my journal doesn't express a consistently fabulous New York City life (hey, it's 3:00 pm on a Saturday - I am still in my pjs - writing - I haven't left my apartment - let alone this couch) - but it's my life... it's a plain (good) life. One of simplicity...

I don't lie to my computer or in my journal. I don't put on a mask. I try not to think about what others will think or who may eventually read this...I just write. I just have to get all the thoughts out of my head.

I do edit when it's the blog - in order to make sure that I'm not being too much...I never want to hurt someone through my words...and some things are left better unsaid...

Those thoughts I leave for my journal...

I still write in my journal every day (paper and pen)... and I know that the Lord (and prying eyes) hear me and read it...

All this to say, I really appreciate the people that read this...and the people that reach out to me...because I don't make my money from this blog, this isn't an awesomely funny "awkward"  video or a bunch of fictional stories...it's not a way for me to become famous - it's my life and my thoughts...it's my outlet...

And I feel so blessed when I get advice, a quick "I feel you," or a letter - it lets me know that I'm not alone... that yes, I may be being too sensitive, too ridiculous, or even just being crazy...but you hear me and/or you've been there...and for that I am grateful.

Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be me... a woman with wayyyy tooo much in her head.

All my love,
Shelby

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