My Villagers
Thanks for allowing me my break.
A few things became clear to me. 1. The importance of preparing the night before 2. The importance of my girls (this was girlfriend weekend - bday celebrations, cafe time with my cousin, and brunch with my girls) 3. Changing one's priorities
Funny enough, I wrote this entry a while ago...but it stands more true now than ever.
A few things became clear to me. 1. The importance of preparing the night before 2. The importance of my girls (this was girlfriend weekend - bday celebrations, cafe time with my cousin, and brunch with my girls) 3. Changing one's priorities
Funny enough, I wrote this entry a while ago...but it stands more true now than ever.
Some of the things most important to me are falling into an abyss of "I kinda don't care" and then some of my "that's not a big deal" things are increasingly becoming a big-butt deal. I see this trend even in the characteristics of those in which I commune with.
Just yesterday a close friend of mine and I were talking about our friendship and we were laughing at how quickly she cuts friends off. We were teasing about how blessed I was to not meet the chopping block. In a decade plus, there are literally three of us that have weathered the storm. Throughout the years, I have watched and heard all the reasons she is no longer friends with such-and-such. She is no joke and she has always made my standards for friends feel super low.
What can I say? I LOVE having ace boon coons (totally racial slur but perfect descriptor for those closest friends and family members), friends, and cool-butt acquaintances. But I did surprise her when I mentioned that I, too, was becoming more selective and trying to become a better friend. It's funny, because when I was pregnant my love for the women in my life grew - while my tolerance for blatant "wrong motives/selfishness" decreased.
OH SHOOT! I love when this happens - a "typing connection" WHICH is funny, because a group of girlfriends and I were having dinner. At the time none of us had children (it was close to five years ago). It was about six of us having wine and delicious French appetizers at a corner wine bar on the upper westside on a spring evening. We were outside being super loud and started debating friendships and one of the women said, "I couldn't be close friends with that woman any more after what she did - because I realize that I would never be able to trust my children with her. She will always choose herself and hers over the care of mine." At the time, I attributed this comment to my friend's background - she grew up in a "village to raise a child" environment - all of her "aunties" were her mother's closest friends. To her friendship meant - having women that you can raise families with - because God forbid something happens to mama -- your girlfriends would step in and raise yours like theirs.
I didn't grow up like that - my aunties were LITERALLY my aunts. Family was family - friends were friends. Children were so far away from my psychie - so although I understood my friend's apprehension (the woman that my friend was referring to acting incredibly selfish) .. I couldn't understand her thinking. UNTIL NOW as I write this and remember that moment... I get her. She now has a child that I love like crazy (I'm Auntie Shelby) and I'd trust her with Neiko in two minutes... but in that way she is not unlike most of my good friends.
In fact, when Mike and I were talking about perhaps God parents - I could name almost all of my closest friends and family members because I knew that Neiko would be safe with them. And when I think about it... I don't think I could be close friends with anyone that I didn't feel that about. I don't have to agree with how you would deal with Neiko (too much sugar, too much rap, too little outdoor time), but I do need to know that you would have his best interests in mind. Because although I don't live in a small town/community or a foreign country, I totally think it takes a village to raise a child...and the villagers in my village are my girls...
Just yesterday a close friend of mine and I were talking about our friendship and we were laughing at how quickly she cuts friends off. We were teasing about how blessed I was to not meet the chopping block. In a decade plus, there are literally three of us that have weathered the storm. Throughout the years, I have watched and heard all the reasons she is no longer friends with such-and-such. She is no joke and she has always made my standards for friends feel super low.
I am like - just give me loyalty and don't knowingly betray me.
What can I say? I LOVE having ace boon coons (totally racial slur but perfect descriptor for those closest friends and family members), friends, and cool-butt acquaintances. But I did surprise her when I mentioned that I, too, was becoming more selective and trying to become a better friend. It's funny, because when I was pregnant my love for the women in my life grew - while my tolerance for blatant "wrong motives/selfishness" decreased.
OH SHOOT! I love when this happens - a "typing connection" WHICH is funny, because a group of girlfriends and I were having dinner. At the time none of us had children (it was close to five years ago). It was about six of us having wine and delicious French appetizers at a corner wine bar on the upper westside on a spring evening. We were outside being super loud and started debating friendships and one of the women said, "I couldn't be close friends with that woman any more after what she did - because I realize that I would never be able to trust my children with her. She will always choose herself and hers over the care of mine." At the time, I attributed this comment to my friend's background - she grew up in a "village to raise a child" environment - all of her "aunties" were her mother's closest friends. To her friendship meant - having women that you can raise families with - because God forbid something happens to mama -- your girlfriends would step in and raise yours like theirs.
I didn't grow up like that - my aunties were LITERALLY my aunts. Family was family - friends were friends. Children were so far away from my psychie - so although I understood my friend's apprehension (the woman that my friend was referring to acting incredibly selfish) .. I couldn't understand her thinking. UNTIL NOW as I write this and remember that moment... I get her. She now has a child that I love like crazy (I'm Auntie Shelby) and I'd trust her with Neiko in two minutes... but in that way she is not unlike most of my good friends.
In fact, when Mike and I were talking about perhaps God parents - I could name almost all of my closest friends and family members because I knew that Neiko would be safe with them. And when I think about it... I don't think I could be close friends with anyone that I didn't feel that about. I don't have to agree with how you would deal with Neiko (too much sugar, too much rap, too little outdoor time), but I do need to know that you would have his best interests in mind. Because although I don't live in a small town/community or a foreign country, I totally think it takes a village to raise a child...and the villagers in my village are my girls...
