Hello may I speak to Barbara

Barbara, this is Shirley
You might not know who I am
But the reason I am calling you is because
I was going through my
Old man's pockets this morning
And I just happened to find your name and number
- Shirley Brown
(Woman to Woman lyrics)

This song has been a recurring discussion for me and one of my friends. Here lately, we have been talking about a mutual friend "Caroline" who went on a date with a guy that she was seriously feeling. They had a nice long dinner, full of conversation, eye contact and laughing. The first kiss was filled with connectedness...and ever since the date they have been talking all the time. That is until a few days ago, when Caroline saw his number pop up in her phone and when she answered it there was a woman's voice on the other end:

"This is my man, you need to stop calling him."

"What!" Dial tone immediately, that is until an hour later when the number popped up in Caroline's phone again. His voice on the other end, irritated:

"Listen that girl is crazy."

After an hour of interrogation, Caroline decided to meet up with him again and talk about this further, because by this time they had dated often and she was feelin' him. It was a world-wind four month romance. They met up and again the chemistry was there...until last night.

"I don't think we should do this."

What. Another dial tone and massive confusion. What could have happened so sudden? Ten minutes later the phone rings again. They always come back, but it was the girl's voice again and the girl wanted to know what was going on. This time the girl explained she was a lot younger, out of town a lot taking care of her sick grandmother (that raised her) and taking classes; she was also less hostile. So...Caroline told her everything and the women ended up talking for an hour. The girl made many excuses about her man and even said as soon as she raises enough money she would be out, but as of now she had "no other choice and he said he was going to change." Caroline knew the routine, because she like many other women have been in the same spot, making excuses for a dude's actions in order to trick only herself.

So, my friend donned the call as the "Shirley" call.

But it's not the Shirley call, because this girl like so many women call "wanting" to find out what happened and (usually) becoming upset with the dude and eventually (usually) making excuses for him or simply taking him back (on conditions) but NOT Shirley. Shirley represents that "old" love, that ride-or-die, the honest love and some may argue desperate (and stupid) love...

She is not asking what happened. She is not screaming, fussing or throwing around accusations. She is not making excuses for him. She is not listening to the advice of the other woman. She is not "playing" dependent on her man. In fact, Shirley pays the car note. Heck, Shirley is a sugar mama. But Shirley simply has what she wants and isn't letting him go, regardless of his ridiculousness. So, like the most women, Shirley is going to stay but unlike so many of us, she isn't making excuses.

To be honest, I couldn't do what Shirley is doing but I respect her, because she knows that he is a HOT MESS, but he's her hot mess and she's not letting him go. Say what you will about her and her situation, but she sees her situation and chooses to be in it. She is not allowing other people's opinions and standards shape her life. She is not ignoring the situation, making excuses for it but instead confronting it and being honest with herself and others. Take it or leave it, Shirley is living her life the way she wants too...

Woman to woman
Now should I just step aside
And let her take what's rightfully mine

Oh, oh, woman to woman
Was I right or was I wrong
I ain't gonna let you break up my happy home

Now woman to woman
Now you see I don't want no trouble now
I hope you understand

I love that man and he's mine