Full Disclosure.

"Just read your recent posts, is everything okay?"
 

I've been getting a lot of text messages/emails/FB messages asking if I'm okay. I am fine and I'm humbled by the love.



Three years ago at this time, I was doing a fashion post
Mike was in DC - so instead of write about my misery - I wrote about fashion

I did have a sweater for the crisp air...most posts were my journey through fashion

 

I know that I've been writing a lot about reflection here lately - the truth is if I wrote about anything else I wouldn't be being truthful in my current state. Although I love my hair journey and I am inspired by quite a few fashion trends - my mind and heart are occupied by other things. My thoughts are saturated by world, national, local, community, famililal, and personal issues.

I cannot mentally escape -  babies being found in a shopping bag, thrown out of windows, killed by abortion doctors (post birth bc of abortion survival - the doctor was arrested and charged)while several loved ones are going through the loss of babies and we are praying for the full health of others. I have a heart for babies and children - always have and always will. I am consistently asking myself how I can affect change - being a teacher I must say is the closest thing that I have so far.

Which leads me to my personal life, I am going through the struggle that many mothers go through - finding childcare for my child and the idea of returning to work...being away from my munchkin for nine hours a day - when I am used to being with him every minute of every day (outside of dates with friends or me time - nothing over three hours). Finding childcare is a burden bigger than I expected - most days I just want to give up and be with my sweet boy as my profession. Yet I know that as of NOW - my life's purpose is to be both a mother and a teacher.

I've been digging deeper in my faith, love, and relationships. I am feeling closer to my true self than I have in YEARS...like many years. I feel so connected right now. It feels incredible - I feel so alive, sensitive, and sensual (my senses are on 100).  I feel everything - the good, bad, and everything in between. It's invigorating and yet I'm completely serene - it's like sitting on a bench sheltered by an oak tree with red leaves sipping on a cup of black tea with honey and cream on a crisp autumn evening.

I'm blissful, but I am in a state of awareness, continuous searching, and on a steep learning curve.  So in full disclosure, my life feels slightly "harder" (for lack of better words), but yet I am "better" than I've been in years. Thank you for asking.