Let the good times begin (soon please)

This past week has been quite a doozy. I feel so blessed to have the girlfriends that I have because the constant prayer requests this week would drive weaker women mad. As a week it's been terrific, but moment to moment there seemed to be something lurking around every corner. Life, death and everything in between and all while gearing up for work. Not to mention,  the last two days Neiko's sleeping pattern was changing - making him a very fussy baby. An unusual fussiness, which put my parenting skills to the test. Let's just say, I would definitely get an A for effort but a D for management.

That said, last night another ball dropped - paralyzing me. Literally throwing a wrench in everything that I so happily planned.  To make matters worse, I felt guilty for being upset about my own mess when there are other people super dear to me going through life and death situations. I sat in silence for hours on hours - unable to move for fear of the fragility of life. In that space, it felt like every aspect of my life was falling apart.

But unlike the other stuff -  in my head, I was able to play the blame game and organize a mental "what's next" list... my anger, frustration, and confusion left me so exhausted that I couldn't sleep nor think straight. 

I was wired and my only prayer was, "God give me a few moments of solitude - so that I can seek You." And would you know - Neiko has been the most peaceful baby - he's slept for four hours today, played in his swing for 15 minute intervals, and joyfully "helped" me do some cleaning.

It's interesting the power of solitude and surrender - my mind and heart are clear.  I was able to see the bigger picture, write love notes, see things from different perspectives, pray for my prayer list, have some pretty awesome conversations (I know that's not solitary), check in on loved ones, and think (pray/meditate) through my next steps. I have had time to open my eyes and see life for what it is and be grateful. The solitude has equipped me to be a more patient and playful mommy and a more centered wife and friend. Today has felt like doing yoga at dawn by a tasty lake of chamomile and lavender tea. The moments of clarity (through running my mouth and alone time), make me feel strong, at peace, and ready for the positive testaments to start rolling in... 

Because, like I said,  although it's been an all around good week;  moment by moment - it's been humbling, fragile, and full of unwelcome surprises. Let the good times begin...