The Secret.

Okay, I’m putting myself on the line but one of the most in love couples that I know has a HUGE secret. So a little background, the couple has been together for over 25 years. Dan is about 10 years Karen’s senior and is completely in love with her. Every time they are around one another both of them are smiling. He introduces her as the “love of his life” and she giggles the whole way through. They finish one another’s sentences and Karen knows everything about him. They are always the couple staring in one another’s eyes, talking about their fantastic trips and laughing the loudest at their inside jokes.

Their secret: Dan is married. Around 27 years ago, his wife, Marcy had a terrible accident that left her in a hospital. Due to her state of being after the accident, Dan put her in a nursing home so that she could have state of the art care. After a year in the nursing home, the care providers and doctors/nurses let Dan know that Marcy will never be released. To this day, Dan visits Marcy several times a week and spends many hours with her at the nursing home and Karen supports Dan’s time with his wife.

The fact is Marcy and Dan never had children, so he’s all Marcy has and refuses to leave her. He tells others that he loves his wife and cherishes their life together, but believes Karen is his soul mate.

The other day, I was talking with someone that also knows the couple and he stated that he thinks it’s absolutely despicable of Dan to do Marcy that way. He understands Dan’s situation, but believes Dan is nothing but an adulterer and making a mockery out of marriage. “He should have divorced Marcy, if he couldn’t stay faithful while she is in the nursing home!” In his opinion either you are faithful or you get a divorce - it’s that simple. During the conversation, I struggled with words because I do think that Dan is committing adultery but it just doesn’t feel that simple. I think love, faithfulness, loyalty are so difficult or maybe I am justifying Dan’s wrong actions. I am not sure – what do you guys think is this situation just that simple? Is Dan just a simple adulterer?