I once thought I wanted to be a nun.
I once thought I wanted to be a nun
September 21, 2009
Yes, you heard right! I would be a modern nun - no convent, several male friends, but no sex, no marriage, no CHILDREN.
I wanted to move to New York and work a job and several volunteer opportunities that I would donate my time and all of my energy too. I would be like a younger Mother Teresa (my absolute icon at the time) that wrote, practiced law, was a VJ every now and then (on MTV) and would save all orphans, widows, homeless and less fortunate. I would also spend time getting closer to the Lord and fasting all the time. I would keep in touch with my parents while traveling the world, but I wouldn't let them tell me their opinions unless they were positive. I would have only one best friend, but would not be caught up in most people, because female "friends" brought drama - I wouldn't have time for. I would be too busy saving the world for drama, gossip or parents' critique. It was a game plan that made me smile every time I thought about it.
But my smile would grow even bigger about all the things I WOULD NOT BE:
I wouldn't have to worry about being that wife that cooked, cleaned and kept up with appearances, even when everyone knew she was a miserable woman with an even more miserable husband. No man would ever tell me what to do. I wouldn't have to worry about a stupid little bratty daughter that would cry whenever she didn't get anything or make other young girls feel less than...or have the little girl that always felt less than...or a little boy that would grow into a teenager and scheme to get in some...many girls' pants breaking their hearts the whole way. I would never have to worry about my husband coming home telling me that he is leaving with his new woman (a younger more submissive woman than myself). I would never have to rely and build the dreams of another while my hopes and dreams played second fiddle. I wouldn't be the "smart and driven" young lady who is judged on how well she can make souffle or how clean her home is. I won't wear pearls and take family pictures while we all fake smiles and send the pictures to a bunch of people who don't really care about them. I won't have my heart broken everytime my children experience the hurts that come along with life. I will not have to juggle love and work. MOST importantly, I will never be someone's EVERYTHING.
I can FAIL, LIVE, be LESS than, be ME without looking into disappointed eyes.