Let's Really Talk About Virginity!
SO, after posting the "Yes, I am a 27 year-old Virgin" article, I got a lot of e-mails and short convos about virginity, abstinence, and celibacy. One comment that was public from an anonymous source said this:
As for the decision to "not be a 25 year-old virgin", if you were waiting for marriage because of your personal relationship with God (regardless of religion) than that's something between your relationship with God and it may be worth asking Him to provide you with answers or whatever else you are looking for. You may have already done that...I'm not sure.
If you were saving your virginity for the right guy/girl - then I don't think losing your virginity will bring or keep that person any longer than staying a virgin...
Personal story, when Mike and I were in college, when people would find out I was a virgin the first question was "aren't you afraid he is going to cheat?" and my answer was and I will tell my daughter/son and whoever else the same thing - I have never witness sex keep someone from cheating, keep a healthy relationship going, or make someone want to marry you, etc. - if someone wants to leave, cheat, or marry you - they will do it with or without sex. Now don't get me wrong, in a marriage (something forever) do I think that it is a key to a healthy relationship ABSOLUTELY - but do I think Mike and my relationship (six years) post-marriage was healthy, happy and exciting - ABSOLUTELY. Do I think sex in our dating relationship (esp. too soon) could have prevented our marriage - in my case - ABSOLUTELY.
There are tens of million reasons why you wanted to wait in the past and why you want to have sex now; however I do question, why you have decided that you no longer want to wait? Where has the urgency to have sex now that you are 25 come from? What decisions, observation, needs, whatever - have you made recently that changes your position on the issue? I mean I totally get sex happening in the moment (like the 27 year-old virgin...I have definitely had those really close moments) - but what has happened for you to make the very conscious decision to have sex now? (you don't have to answer but please share if you don't mind)
One other thought is make sure post-sex you are mentally ready (if you are not having sex within a very committed relationship) for the sex not to be as important to the other person as it is for you. I know several friends that were really upset by the nonchalant feelings that their partner had in the aftermath...
I was raised Catholic with just about the same education and notions about sex, and somewhere in the last few months I decided I didn't want to be a 25 year-old virgin any more. I haven't had sex yet, and I'm still a little scared of how I'll feel after, but I've come close and I think I feel alright about my decision.
I know this is a very sensitive subject (e.g. one of the people that wrote in got extreme backlash from some of her friends when she suggested she wanted to wear a "real" white dress for her wedding - they thought she was sitting on her moral high horse) but as with everything in my life I do not shy away from overshare and my opinion on the issues. I was going to simply comment on this comment in the little box, but due to similar and opposing comments and the overwhelming response to the article, I thought I would post my response and allow others to comment if you would like:
I realize that you didn't ask my opinion and you were just posting your life decision but I have some thoughts about this issue. In my opinion the virginity issue all depends on why you decided to wait in the first place. I do have friends that wanted to wait and didn't and completely and utterly regret it and I have friends that don't regret their decision at all. I also have friends that didn't wait for marriage and never attended to that are completely fine with having sex before marriage and I have friends that never intended to wait and are now celibate. The list goes on; however for me, personally, I waited and I thank God that I did - it was well worth the wait in my life experience and I definitely recommend it (lol).
I realize that you didn't ask my opinion and you were just posting your life decision but I have some thoughts about this issue. In my opinion the virginity issue all depends on why you decided to wait in the first place. I do have friends that wanted to wait and didn't and completely and utterly regret it and I have friends that don't regret their decision at all. I also have friends that didn't wait for marriage and never attended to that are completely fine with having sex before marriage and I have friends that never intended to wait and are now celibate. The list goes on; however for me, personally, I waited and I thank God that I did - it was well worth the wait in my life experience and I definitely recommend it (lol).
As for the decision to "not be a 25 year-old virgin", if you were waiting for marriage because of your personal relationship with God (regardless of religion) than that's something between your relationship with God and it may be worth asking Him to provide you with answers or whatever else you are looking for. You may have already done that...I'm not sure.
If you were saving your virginity for the right guy/girl - then I don't think losing your virginity will bring or keep that person any longer than staying a virgin...
Personal story, when Mike and I were in college, when people would find out I was a virgin the first question was "aren't you afraid he is going to cheat?" and my answer was and I will tell my daughter/son and whoever else the same thing - I have never witness sex keep someone from cheating, keep a healthy relationship going, or make someone want to marry you, etc. - if someone wants to leave, cheat, or marry you - they will do it with or without sex. Now don't get me wrong, in a marriage (something forever) do I think that it is a key to a healthy relationship ABSOLUTELY - but do I think Mike and my relationship (six years) post-marriage was healthy, happy and exciting - ABSOLUTELY. Do I think sex in our dating relationship (esp. too soon) could have prevented our marriage - in my case - ABSOLUTELY.
There are tens of million reasons why you wanted to wait in the past and why you want to have sex now; however I do question, why you have decided that you no longer want to wait? Where has the urgency to have sex now that you are 25 come from? What decisions, observation, needs, whatever - have you made recently that changes your position on the issue? I mean I totally get sex happening in the moment (like the 27 year-old virgin...I have definitely had those really close moments) - but what has happened for you to make the very conscious decision to have sex now? (you don't have to answer but please share if you don't mind)
One other thought is make sure post-sex you are mentally ready (if you are not having sex within a very committed relationship) for the sex not to be as important to the other person as it is for you. I know several friends that were really upset by the nonchalant feelings that their partner had in the aftermath...
