In total transparency
In fact, I'm doing everything in my power to loosen us up for a healthy and safe birthing process (labor sounds too painful).
The thought of holding him and having skin to skin contact with him and watching Mike do the same brings me close to tears.
There is nothing that I want more than to wash him, lotion him all up, hold him close and just look at him.
Even the idea of 1.5 hour feeds don't bother me (that much)
Seeing Mike with his son is an image that brings me to my knees in praise
So you say - you've already told us this...
Well here are my other thoughts (about 5% of my stinking thinking):
I'm totally in love with my current life - I'm kinda nervous about things changing
The unknown scares me a bit and mom horror stories (throwing temper tantrums in public places, uncontrollable crying, feeling inadequate/constant stress) don't help - being a mother is no joke!
I really want my marriage to stay the exact same - I love my boo (some say obsessively) and we enjoy one another a lot (traveling together, laughing constantly, and such fun dates) - like I look forward to seeing him daily. I really don't want that to change and from what I hear children can be a game changer*.
* But Lord, I proclaim "victory" over that - I claim baby Steel will be a fun third party that brings me and Mike closer and makes outings even more fun. Much like I did for my parents heheh
The idea of circumcision hurts my heart and sometimes lurks in my beautiful birth process visualizations
I've never done an all-nighter- I literally cannot don't know how to function without sleep...I'm overly emotional, I over eat, and I make silly mistakes. I am a 8+ hour gal and have always been one
Not to be superficial, but how am I gonna balance baby and my physical appearance, home decor/cleanliness, and stay sane... actually I've read "how" and I have many women in my life that are perfect examples... but will I be able to do it?
I'm gonna miss pregnancy - my lil fellah safely tucked in my belly, my big beautiful belly, and the happiness of this moment
Awful confession: Hearing babies cry annoys me and I like being at restaurants, pools, and movies without children that I don't know (although I love (with a passion) a good baby/mommy and me date)
In fact, unless it's drinks, girls' night out or a double date, I prefer my mommy girlfriends to bring their children - it always provides additional entertainment - good convo, a cute little face, and guaranteed laughs
I often ask: Will I love motherhood? Am I ready for motherhood? Am I selfless enough?
Many times, my internal answer is "yes" but there are times when my stomach churns, my throat feels dry and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and watch Devious Maids
My biggest concern is work and daycare (gosh, I don't know how I'm gonna drop him off) - thinking about it now upsets me all over again. AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH...why don't I live closer to my momma?!?
How will I balance it all. Oh Mama Mia...
Cincinnati sounds better and better to us every day (a house, parents, simplicity, and familiarity) but God has us here for a reason and a season
With those thoughts out into the universe, I would be being dishonest if I didn't end with saying that God has blessed me tremendously through all my seasons of life. I mean besides middle school and some of high school I've truly enjoyed my life (with all its ups and downs).
... And when I think about it (I'm on an epiphany roll) - it's the things that I was most nervous about that turned out the best.
Case and point:
Case and point:
- I was super nervous about college (and it was awesome!)
- I was shaking in my boots about moving to New York (incredible)
- I had cold feet about being a teacher at 22 years old (had an amazing time and met such great people)
- Getting married got super scary at times (would not have it any other way)...
- So I'm gonna just add motherhood to the list of scary future awesomeness
