The Mamie, Jezebel, and Saphire
Note: MY line name (DST) is Saph"fire" and funny enough it's my long time nickname given to me by my father. So the name holds special to me - that said I'm using it within this post in stereotypical form.
Last night, I couldn't sleep, but wanted to cuddle in bed with Mr. Steel. The issue with that is our night light cord is missing and my current book is not on my I.pad. I have no light. What's a girl to do? Flip on television. Yes, I could have laid around pondering the true meaning of life, but last night I wanted to be entertained. Being alone with my thoughts would only make my sleeplessness frustrating.
Long story short, I stumbled on to BET's newest series, Being Mary Jane. I watched it all - not knowing I was in for a movie. It was pretty good, same story though - black woman, successful, single, and flawed. It's the story of many women - so I decided to enjoy it as it is. Of course there was added drama on top of every day situations and inner demons - her brothers are a trip (one is broke and looking for handouts/the other one sells drugs), her niece is young and pregnant (with baby number two), and one of Jane's lovers is secretly married. Nope, doesn't tell my story or look similar to any of my friends' lives (other than successful and single), but it was entertaining.
That is until, I caught a glimpse of the trailer for the show. Jane crawls back into bed with her married lover. Yes, the married man that broke her heart... the successful, beautiful BUT very married man. My goodness haven't we seen this in Scandal and the Have Nots...must our "other" successful and beautiful star be a mistress - a stereotypical Jezebel? Seriously. Is marriage no longer a respected sanctuary? Do television writers think that all successful, single, black women are so desperate (to get some/love/a warm body) that they must sleep with other people's husbands?
I love the strides that we are taking in being the stars of our own shows and being professionally successful, but where are the Claire Huxtables? Vivian Banks? Nurse Julias of yesteryear?
I am so sick of us fitting into neatly packaged stereotypes. It's like either we are thin, "beautiful" and sleeping with another woman's man or we are the main character in a comedy (Mamie) - big, loud, and completely a-sexual. Sometimes in these roles we are nurturing and kind - reminding America that we are safe. Think many of Tyler Perry's comedic characters.
Then there is Ms. Sassy Saphire - whether single or married she is driving someone nuts with all her mouth. She's ready to verbally confront anyone in her way or just in the vicinity. Her relationships with women and men alike are usually deeply wounded by her attitude.
Listen, I think it's important for women to be all different sizes, make moral mistakes, and have moments of intense rage - I've definitely played every single role in my 20 something years of existence. To show all facets of a woman regardless of race is necessary - we've all been sassy, loud/funny/nurturing, and made some very questionable decisions.
I have friends that won't watch a show where there is a question of infidelity. I get it, but I also see how it's easier now than ever to unknowingly date a married man. Rings in many relationship are optional (so goodbye to the days of looking at the left hand), people are working longer hours than ever (leaving their schedules easy to manipulate), and social media date sites are super popular (so much for friends introducing you to friends). All this to say, I think it's unrealistic to have a single woman avoid all married men, I've had several friends get into a "side chick" situation without any of us knowing it.
The smartest people in the world can be tricked, BUT to have an intimate relationship with a person knowing that s/he is married (regardless of the marital excuses)...
Okay, I'm going off about something totally different now. I guess my point is - I feel like making black women fit into neatly tight stereotypical packages is taking away from the breadth of who we are as women. I also think it makes us look limited in our writing ability - for example can't we think of other internal chaos and external issues outside of adultery? Or create a comedy that features real people and situations not (always) characters that resemble caricatures of our past? Or even make a no-nonsense woman that doesn't have to scream, roll her neck, or throw her hands on her hips?
Wait for it... wait for it... what about:
I have friends that won't watch a show where there is a question of infidelity. I get it, but I also see how it's easier now than ever to unknowingly date a married man. Rings in many relationship are optional (so goodbye to the days of looking at the left hand), people are working longer hours than ever (leaving their schedules easy to manipulate), and social media date sites are super popular (so much for friends introducing you to friends). All this to say, I think it's unrealistic to have a single woman avoid all married men, I've had several friends get into a "side chick" situation without any of us knowing it.
The smartest people in the world can be tricked, BUT to have an intimate relationship with a person knowing that s/he is married (regardless of the marital excuses)...
Okay, I'm going off about something totally different now. I guess my point is - I feel like making black women fit into neatly tight stereotypical packages is taking away from the breadth of who we are as women. I also think it makes us look limited in our writing ability - for example can't we think of other internal chaos and external issues outside of adultery? Or create a comedy that features real people and situations not (always) characters that resemble caricatures of our past? Or even make a no-nonsense woman that doesn't have to scream, roll her neck, or throw her hands on her hips?
Wait for it... wait for it... what about:
A woman that has all of these or none of these characteristics - like can you imagine a strong no-nonsense woman (that doesn't yell/nag incessantly), that exercises (thick or thin), has a "great" career with a sense of humor and a romantic life that doesn't include someone else's husband...I still think there are so many entertaining scenarios that can pop up from this - it kind of reminds me of Joan from Girlfriends... who was very flawed, but truly her own woman (and very admirable). Speaking of... I really miss Joan.
