What motherhood has taught me...
I love plans. Nothing feels better to me than the feel of following and accomplishing my plan. No greater high than that of a plan being executed to the tee. Even if the plan is to have no plans.
Likewise, nothing bothers me more than my plans being ruined. That said, everything I've planned in the last two weeks has fallen through.
Perfect example - we had a birthing plan (three pages) that I shared with my midwife and the hospital staff. We made CDs, had scripture, listened to hypnobabies and followed every natural vaginal birthing rule! I followed them down to the last day of pregnancy - sex check, exercise check, spicy foods check, average weight gain check...everything. I ended up having an induced 31 hour labor followed by a c-section. Everything I didn't want. The result a healthy beautiful baby boy - worth every second of pain and disappointment. I'd do it again a thousand times.
Another result of the process was seeing what a wonderful hubby I have - at one point he massaged me for three hours in the early morning/late night hours. He was with me every moment - to be honest, I think the experience was just as painful for him. We were/ are true partners and it was never more evident than in our birthing time.
In the last ten days, everything that I planned for my son has completely changed. It's hard when I realize the best thing for him may not be what the ten books I read say. It's even harder when I go off the beaten path - into the unknown path of Shelby and Neiko... But I feel like it's God working with me - doing His work in my life and preparing me for this beautiful journey. He is showing me what motherhood is all about and stripping me of the fear that has plagued my life for too long. My mom has been my guiding light through this walk- she's helped me discern all the changes.
For me, motherhood is about trusting The Lord and my own instincts. It's about listening to others, but yet developing my own style. I love it, because it's a creative process. Mike and I are creating this structure that works for us... It's incredible, invigorating, and challenging. It's a faith walk for sure.
PS on a lighter note, something else motherhood has taught me is that maternity stores will let you borrow a fitting room to bf! Yaya boy. And yes, Neiko spent a few hours in the mall with mommy and Gigi (against doctors orders). He loved it and I had an incredible time. So well worth it.
