DON'T MAKE THESE MISTAKES!!!
So, there have been people asking me why I am so in love with relationships and the answer is it's in my DNA. I am the daughter of two people that devote their lives to the relationships of others.
Growing up, I was the kid whose parents made out and held hands on family outings (everyone that knows my parents are laughing right now because they know I am right). Their relationship is something that I truly strive for, so who better than to have than them to sit down and write the 10 mistakes that couples make in marriage! If you are in a serious relationship a lot of them apply and for those single and happy here are a few things to take note of for the future. And for those that could care less about relationships, here is just a juicy read.
The rest of this story is in the words of Lynne Stone:
Based on my 28 years of marriage, teaching marriage classes and counseling married couples, your dad and I came up with the top 20...I mean the top 10 mistakes couples make in a marriage.
1. Taking an argument too far. Not staying focused on the issue at hand; reaching back in the past to old battle scars.
2. Not being truthful enough about your feelings with your spouse on basic fundamental issues (i.e.. having kids, # of kids, discipline style/beliefs, career choices, moving out of state, lifestyle choices, etc....)
3. Sharing too much of your personal married life issues with family and friends...…you forget and they remember.
4. Not taking time out for each other on a regular basis. Making that time a priority and holding it sacred on the calendar. This time includes a weekly date night, evening talks, Saturday morning coffee, etc... most critical is having a weekly date night. This is for couples with and without kids. Date night is NOT a night in the house watching a movie. It's a night out of the house. It can be as simple as coffee at a coffee shop or as elaborate as dinner and the opera. If you're a couple with kids, it may be a hotel room! The key here is leaving your "home environment"...away from phones, bills, kitchen, laundry, kids, visitors, etc... getting into a mutually accepted environment where you two can focus just on each other and finish a conversation without disruption.
5. Not scheduling intimate time with each other. We schedule everything that's important to us so we don't miss it in the busyness of life...so why should sex be any different? It may not be as important to one spouse verses the other, but I assure you it's on the top of one of your list. God forbids, if they don't get it at home, what may happen!
6. Being selfish and self centered. "What's in it for me" attitude or worse yet, the "one up" attitude.
7. Being too critical of your spouse....this is a close cousin to #6. Be a cheerleader, not a downer.
8. Not having a "SAFE ZONE". A safe zone is a time and place to talk candidly about tough issues. Don't talk about his brother's tax evasion issues before his family comes to dinner that night. However, make an appointment to sit down and talk about this sensitive issue when you're both mentally capable to discuss it without tempers flaring. Be sensitive to those things your spouse is sensitive to and act accordingly. This does not mean you don't discuss them, it means you let your spouse chose the time and place to discuss the issue candidly without anger or fear. When the discussion is over....its over
9. Not knowing your spouse's love language. In other words, what is your spouse's expectations of you and what makes them feel "special and "loved" in your relationship? Often times men may think buying their wife a gift or sending flowers tells them their special. Now she may appreciate the juster, but what really speaks love to her is rubbing her back with essential oils after a long day.....Wow! Know your spouses love language and don't waste your time, energy and resources on what you THINK it is!
10. Now 1-9 will not work if God is not the third cord in your marriage. He created marriage and therefore, owns the formula that guarantee's success. Read His manual on marriage 1 Peter 3:1-7, Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 and Ephesians 5:22-33.
Mom & Dad, xoxo
If you have a topic that you want to hear about or feel as though you are an expert on, please e-mail me or post a comment!
Growing up, I was the kid whose parents made out and held hands on family outings (everyone that knows my parents are laughing right now because they know I am right). Their relationship is something that I truly strive for, so who better than to have than them to sit down and write the 10 mistakes that couples make in marriage! If you are in a serious relationship a lot of them apply and for those single and happy here are a few things to take note of for the future. And for those that could care less about relationships, here is just a juicy read.
The rest of this story is in the words of Lynne Stone:
Based on my 28 years of marriage, teaching marriage classes and counseling married couples, your dad and I came up with the top 20...I mean the top 10 mistakes couples make in a marriage.
1. Taking an argument too far. Not staying focused on the issue at hand; reaching back in the past to old battle scars.
2. Not being truthful enough about your feelings with your spouse on basic fundamental issues (i.e.. having kids, # of kids, discipline style/beliefs, career choices, moving out of state, lifestyle choices, etc....)
3. Sharing too much of your personal married life issues with family and friends...…you forget and they remember.
4. Not taking time out for each other on a regular basis. Making that time a priority and holding it sacred on the calendar. This time includes a weekly date night, evening talks, Saturday morning coffee, etc... most critical is having a weekly date night. This is for couples with and without kids. Date night is NOT a night in the house watching a movie. It's a night out of the house. It can be as simple as coffee at a coffee shop or as elaborate as dinner and the opera. If you're a couple with kids, it may be a hotel room! The key here is leaving your "home environment"...away from phones, bills, kitchen, laundry, kids, visitors, etc... getting into a mutually accepted environment where you two can focus just on each other and finish a conversation without disruption.
5. Not scheduling intimate time with each other. We schedule everything that's important to us so we don't miss it in the busyness of life...so why should sex be any different? It may not be as important to one spouse verses the other, but I assure you it's on the top of one of your list. God forbids, if they don't get it at home, what may happen!
6. Being selfish and self centered. "What's in it for me" attitude or worse yet, the "one up" attitude.
7. Being too critical of your spouse....this is a close cousin to #6. Be a cheerleader, not a downer.
8. Not having a "SAFE ZONE". A safe zone is a time and place to talk candidly about tough issues. Don't talk about his brother's tax evasion issues before his family comes to dinner that night. However, make an appointment to sit down and talk about this sensitive issue when you're both mentally capable to discuss it without tempers flaring. Be sensitive to those things your spouse is sensitive to and act accordingly. This does not mean you don't discuss them, it means you let your spouse chose the time and place to discuss the issue candidly without anger or fear. When the discussion is over....its over
9. Not knowing your spouse's love language. In other words, what is your spouse's expectations of you and what makes them feel "special and "loved" in your relationship? Often times men may think buying their wife a gift or sending flowers tells them their special. Now she may appreciate the juster, but what really speaks love to her is rubbing her back with essential oils after a long day.....Wow! Know your spouses love language and don't waste your time, energy and resources on what you THINK it is!
10. Now 1-9 will not work if God is not the third cord in your marriage. He created marriage and therefore, owns the formula that guarantee's success. Read His manual on marriage 1 Peter 3:1-7, Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 and Ephesians 5:22-33.
Mom & Dad, xoxo
If you have a topic that you want to hear about or feel as though you are an expert on, please e-mail me or post a comment!
