Diary Entry:

Being the library relaxes me.

Listening to my music of choice. Today it is the Noisettes with a mix of the new Kid Cudi CD.

I have always loved being around books and music, there is something about walking into a bookstore/library/locking myself in a room that helps me lose myself. I get so tired of being me in the world. It's like I get so tired of thinking:

"is my hair right? is my lipgloss fresh? did I smile? did I say thanks? could she tell she just pissed me off? was I just rude to Mike in front of them? do I seem happy? am I a good person? is she doing better than me? did I just say that? can you see my gut? did I cover that pimple? how rude? what is she looking at? fashion risk or just a fashion-victim? do I make them proud? did I spell that right? comma there? promotion? should I eat that? should I do that? I am SO BORED! i AM so..."

When I am in the library, much like the streets of New York, I no longer exist. I always knew that I wanted to be in New York and one day work in the library because I love DISAPPEARING...

I am no longer "Shelby Stone-Steel"... I AM an alien on Mars planning an attack on the earth, a FBI agent looking for a group of terrorists, a doctor whose patient is dying in front of him crying and I am the person that stands between life and death for this young child.

And to those that look around the library, I am just another person with headphones on, a tee-shirt, head down consumed in my reading material of choice...

Shelby who?