The Reason Behind the Debate Question:

I recently received this e-mail:

I'm on eHarmony and I'm at the open communication stage with this guy, which is where we just send messages back and forth kind of like emails but it's all through the site, and he just told me "I don't believe long term dating is a good idea." He feels that in one year max of dating someone, you should know whether or not they are someone you want to marry. If not, then you should end the relationship and stop wasting each other's time. He brought this up because I asked whether he would move from his home town to mine to communicate with a match and he said distance is a minor obstacle for the right person. Now I know your situation was different with Mike in terms of the dating time (you were also young and no one would expect you to get married after 1 year), but what if you where just meeting him now? In theory I agree with him, but I haven't really had any relationships to prove or disprove that theory. Also, this "Internet dating" thing is a whole new arena and I don't know if the process would speed up or go slower. I guess it depends on the person and the relationship if it gets that far as in any situation, but I don't know. What do you think?

My response:

I definitely think that you can know if the person that you are dating has potential to be your long-term spouse, especially the older that we get. I think that Internet dating helps, because it takes away from the "sexual" aspect, so cuts down on the confusion of lust and increases genuine communication - I also think that the positive thing about Internet dating is that people are looking for relationships, so that cuts down on the whole "cold feet and playing games" of dating. I think with your situation it is very possible to tell if the person is for you and esp. if the person is NOT for you within a year. So, I agree with him on that note, but I will say there is something about long-term dating and completely knowing what you are walking into, but in marriage (esp. considering it's a lifetime) it's hard to have all the answers anyways. I mean you can date someone for five years and he is employed and has incredible swag and confidence and then while married he loses his job and then he is insecure and a trip - it's life. My advice is regardless of how long you are dating, you need to be constantly praying that this is the person that God has for you. I find it to hard to figure it out myself and control the future, etc. so I just asked God to take over!

What do y'all think now? The question is now open to be commented on - just click the title and comment :)

Love,
Shelby S

Popular Posts