How does a woman know if she is just the jump-off?
Here recently I got an e-mail from a young man that asked me for advice. He asked me "how should he tell...or should he tell... his female friend that she is beginning to fall for dudes and simply be their 'jump off'" My first question was, "how do you know that she is a jump off - please tell me the story" - I had to make sure that this was legit, so anonymous began telling the story:
I have changed all major obvious details and names and refuse to tell my source, but I would love to hear other people's advice - does Vivian starting the jump off pattern? If so, should Anonymous tell her? How does she GET OUT of the cycle?
A friend of mine, we'll call her Vivian, has been involved in a few relationships back to back, none of which have led to a title. I'm starting to wonder if she is a jump off? Initially, it looks like the guys genuinely are into her, so why won't they wife her?
The current guy, David, has a long, yet distant history with her. In grad school, David attended school with Vivian's best friend. He was in undergrad and playing football. Vivian ran into him at a few parties, hosted by the grad chapter of her sorority, and he constantly told her and others that he thought she was "fly". He was absolutely gorgeous and looked older than his age, but because he was an athlete, Vivan assumed the worst. After Vivian's bff grauduated, she had no other reason to frequent the school, but a year later he contacted her through facebook and put himself all the way out there letting Vivian know that he adored her and was seriously feeling her. He left his number but Vivian never called. He then reached out to his teammates that were cool with her to put in a good word but again, Vivian did not respond.
Fast forward a year later, Vivian revisited the school because she had a few neos coming out and there was a big campus party and David was there. Her previous apprehension to giving him a chance no longer existed and soon after she hit him up. They began talking and texting daily that following summer with David always initiating the conversation. He even traveled to Vivian's city one weekend to hang out with her which was difficult to do without his own vehicle. About a month or two into this (and two times seeing one another) she gave up the cookies and things still proceeded smoothly. David returned to finish up his final year and with the hustle and bustle of trying to finish strong academically and athletically his communication with Vivian dramatically fell off until she was hearing from him 2-3 times a week, one of those times each week being when she would travel to see him and of course, giving up the cookies. They have never been on a date (David doesn't have money) and they never been out in public.
So now, Vivian is wondering does David want to wife her, this is just a rough, busy time for him, or is she only his main jumpoff?
The other relationship of Vivian's is with Eric, the man she was dating many years before David. Eric approached her at an undergrad party and they exchanged numbers. Because Vivian was still in school at the time, she could only travel on weekends. Eric called her every day and they talked for hours. Most weekends she went to his school and they would meet up. After a few weeks, she gave up the cookies and this routine continued. They never went out or did anything but Eric was constantly calling her, checking up on her, etc. After a year of this Vivian found out he had a girlfriend and cut all ties. Eric tried to get back in but she wouldn't allow it. Finally after 3 months she let him back in and before you knew it they were back to their old times. Only this time Eric spent more time with her, swore he and his ex were over and they even went on a cute weekend trip. But again a many months later, they fell apart because Eric got back with his ex. A 8 months later they broke up again and he was back with Vivian.
Is Eric going to wife her or was she just a jumpoff? This relationship was finally put on a backburner because David came into the picture.
I have changed all major obvious details and names and refuse to tell my source, but I would love to hear other people's advice - does Vivian starting the jump off pattern? If so, should Anonymous tell her? How does she GET OUT of the cycle?
A friend of mine, we'll call her Vivian, has been involved in a few relationships back to back, none of which have led to a title. I'm starting to wonder if she is a jump off? Initially, it looks like the guys genuinely are into her, so why won't they wife her?
The current guy, David, has a long, yet distant history with her. In grad school, David attended school with Vivian's best friend. He was in undergrad and playing football. Vivian ran into him at a few parties, hosted by the grad chapter of her sorority, and he constantly told her and others that he thought she was "fly". He was absolutely gorgeous and looked older than his age, but because he was an athlete, Vivan assumed the worst. After Vivian's bff grauduated, she had no other reason to frequent the school, but a year later he contacted her through facebook and put himself all the way out there letting Vivian know that he adored her and was seriously feeling her. He left his number but Vivian never called. He then reached out to his teammates that were cool with her to put in a good word but again, Vivian did not respond.
Fast forward a year later, Vivian revisited the school because she had a few neos coming out and there was a big campus party and David was there. Her previous apprehension to giving him a chance no longer existed and soon after she hit him up. They began talking and texting daily that following summer with David always initiating the conversation. He even traveled to Vivian's city one weekend to hang out with her which was difficult to do without his own vehicle. About a month or two into this (and two times seeing one another) she gave up the cookies and things still proceeded smoothly. David returned to finish up his final year and with the hustle and bustle of trying to finish strong academically and athletically his communication with Vivian dramatically fell off until she was hearing from him 2-3 times a week, one of those times each week being when she would travel to see him and of course, giving up the cookies. They have never been on a date (David doesn't have money) and they never been out in public.
So now, Vivian is wondering does David want to wife her, this is just a rough, busy time for him, or is she only his main jumpoff?
The other relationship of Vivian's is with Eric, the man she was dating many years before David. Eric approached her at an undergrad party and they exchanged numbers. Because Vivian was still in school at the time, she could only travel on weekends. Eric called her every day and they talked for hours. Most weekends she went to his school and they would meet up. After a few weeks, she gave up the cookies and this routine continued. They never went out or did anything but Eric was constantly calling her, checking up on her, etc. After a year of this Vivian found out he had a girlfriend and cut all ties. Eric tried to get back in but she wouldn't allow it. Finally after 3 months she let him back in and before you knew it they were back to their old times. Only this time Eric spent more time with her, swore he and his ex were over and they even went on a cute weekend trip. But again a many months later, they fell apart because Eric got back with his ex. A 8 months later they broke up again and he was back with Vivian.
Is Eric going to wife her or was she just a jumpoff? This relationship was finally put on a backburner because David came into the picture.
